Fleeting

I miss my dog Cleo so much it's not funny. I was home in Kempsey for a few days, and just got back to Sydney today. I find it very hard to come back to the city, I miss my family a lot. I ate way too much of my Mum's cooking, went for a long walk on the beach and gave my Mum a couple of computer lessons. I kind of forgot to do any university work, and now I'm not looking forward to tackling several essays. I think I'm very ready for this semester to be over and to complete my undergraduate degree, I just hope I can hold myself together until then.

I've been swallowed whole again.

What happened to my future

I have never been so depressed about an election. Okay so this will only be the second election that I'm voting in, but still. I am so unenthused and let down by both parties. I feel that there is no vision. We're just been presented with Labor and the Liberal party nit picking at each other. It's so woeful.

I was watching Q and A on the ABC (yes, I am an ABC watcher), and one kid asked Tony Abbott what he would do for the Arts. Which made me think, YES. What about the arts!? Nobody gives a shit about the arts and we haven't heard from either party about investment in the nations creativity. Also, what about the youth of this nation, what about university students?

I feel so isolated in this election. I feel that I am being ignored and that nothing appeals to me from either party.

All I want is a little vision and a little hope. Is that too much to ask for?

Love Me Like A Man

Back to the grind

So it seems that the holidays have mysteriously disappeared and it's back to the grind of university. I'm really not ready for it, and I'm trying to get my head around it. At the moment, it doesn't help that my band has now become, well... a proper band. We've been practicing for a band comp at UNSW as a part of the National Campus Band Competition. We really don't expect to win, we are just looking forward to getting up on stage and playing and getting some experience. Having said that, we're all really excited about playing. We have our final practice tomorrow before our heat on Wednesday. Playing is like a drug at the moment. I makes me really happy. It's a nice feeling.

My band (My Beloved Monster) has made an event on Facebook, you can find it here.

So sad to see you fade from me

On my 19th birthday in 2007 I was utterly devastated. I discovered that my favourite band, Placebo had potentially broken up, with long time drummer, Steve Hewitt parting ways from the band. It was even more shocking when fans found out later, he was basically fired after a long and gruelling tour schedule which saw (as I perceive it), a straining of emotion and personal relationships. It was a very nasty separation, and heart breaking for a band whom described each other as a close knot family, with singer/guitarist Brian Molko admitting that he wouldn't he couldn't like without Stefan (Oldsal: bassist/guitarist/amazing Swede) and Steve. For myself, it was like watching a beacon of hope shatter in front of my eyes. I discovered Placebo in my early teens and they have a been a soundtrack to my life since. It is funny how music seems to tap into your emotions and say what we sometimes struggle to articulate. I amongst a legion of fans viewed (and still continue to see) Placebo, and particularly Brian Molko as a figure who provides hope to those who are somewhat lost, confused and at times out of place. Yet he is no preacher, and I'm sure he would agree to say that he is no perfect human being.

Placebo today are (in my books) an amazing and unique band, who are going from strength to strength. Although I look back on their earlier days with a certain nostalgia and enthusiasm, I can appreciate their every album and evolution and love the contribution of Steve Hewitt as much as the new contribution of Californian drummer Steve Forrest (freaky Steve coincidence there).

With the departure of Steve Hewitt I was really at a loss. I always liked Steve. He always came across as an affable and likeable fellow, and was a real mean machine behind the drum kit. So now it is really great to see him making some music, some damn good music, and to see him as frontman. From what I have heard from his new endeavour, it is really interesting to hear his voice and see the man shine through. When musicians swap instruments I find that it provides interesting results, just look at Jack White behind the kit for The Dead Weather. At the moment I am a bit disillusioned with a lot of contemporary music and the nature of the music industry, and the abundance of wussy 'indie' hipster music. His new outfit Love Amongst Ruin is refreshing, hard hitting and for myself, full of hope. It will be interesting to see how the band goes and how they will be received.

Here is their first official video from their upcoming debut. Visually it is quite beautiful, and artfully constructed.

Unattached

I'm nearing the end of four years of university, and I can't help but feel as if I'm well, old. It's a little scary, how my degree has nearly passed before my eyes, in one instance I'm glad, in another, I'm a little scared.

But there is another this which makes me feel old: Being single. It seems that in the last couple of years a lot of my friends have shacked up and settled down, and here I am still swinging about, getting pretty inebriated and generally making a fool of myself in public. It never really bothers me until you are put in the situation where you are the only single in the room, or placed at the singles table at your boss' wedding. That can just be plain awkward. Especially in the former when you're greeted with overt displays of affection. I won't lie it can make me squeamish, and a tad uncomfortable. With some people it seems that displays of affection is like a slap across the face saying 'hey you! Look what you're missing out on!'

Until I think about it, I am really happy with being single, and my single cohorts can vouch with me that having a significant other just complicates things. I for one wouldn't even have time for that other (or maybe I'm simply bad with my time management skills). I like the fact that being single and living alone, I call the shots, I cook what I like, I do what I want to without anyone else getting in my way. But when I'm around couples, at times I feel a bit well...inadequate? It makes me angry that I should possibly feel such a way, especially in today's society when women are so much more empowered and independent. But then, there's a nagging feeling. I'm happy as I am, but should I be inclined to look out for that someone? Is it really necessary? Does society expect that of me? What if I am really happy on my own? Or what then if I am really unhappy being alone, being 'unattached'? And why do people always question me as to whether I have a boyfriend!? Of course assuming that I'm heterosexual.

Does it matter? Do I really care?

All that I do know is that sometimes being around couples makes me feel like a very sad unwanted case. It brings on an early twenties crisis of crushing self-esteem that one is undesirable. It makes me wonder whether I'll end up being one of these supposed jaded women who sit on the stairs drinking gin every night.

...but then I do like gin.

Maybe it's fate?